You have skin, I have skin. You have bones, I have bones. You have a brain and I have a brain. We both are very capable of producing the basics of human emotion. Sadness, empathy, delight, happiness, confusion and so on. When we feel any of these emotions we are reminded that we are in-fact human beings who are actually capable of feeling and not mechanical robots.
Every time I feel anything at all really, I am so relieved that I am human but at the same time get upset about whatever it is that made me feel like that. Weather it be a person or just things in your life. If you’ve read any of my posts before you will know that I use this blog for an outreach to release all my emotions in a healthy way. A place to vent when things are not going all too great or when I just need to talk to someone. Which is perfectly okay. People deal with emotional distress in all different ways. But these past two days or so I feel like I have just been an enormous maelstrom. Everything just swirling to and fro, around and around with myself in the center of all this madness. I guess you could also use the analogy of someone in the center of a tornado but oh well. I like mine better.
But I had a relapse in some previous “things” the other night where I became incredibly angry at such events and whatnot (without being to specific). But it hit me at once and just knocked me on my ass. I was left there, on the floor, swirling in my own memories and I could just feel the hate boiling. It was like I had opened a 2 liter bottle of hate and chugged it all at once; right then and there. What was I mad at? People. Places i havent been. Things. EVERYTHING. and I know now how Anakin must have felt in the “attack of the clones” with all those damn sand monkeys on Tatooine. Different setting. Different reason. Same hate. Hate at a certain person and that person’s lifestyle. Hate at how boring my life is currently and how much I have yet to do which actually seems like a lifetime away from now. I guess the best way to describe all of this is me being in emotional distress over my life right now. I’m just not happy with where it is, where it is going, or what I am doing with it. I’m tired of living in the past but I also have no idea how to stop doing that. I deserve everything and anything in the world and I absolutely HATE waiting.
Life starts at the end of your comfort zone of sitting in your parents house. I need to go out, meet new people, go to new places and experience new things and fall in love (also new) weather it may be with a beautiful woman who is everything I need and deserve or with a place where everything is perfect. The best revenge is being happy and living your life the best way you can. I will be going to Quebec for a week over new years this winter for a snowboarding trip and I am scared a bit yes, but I am also soo excited. I will not know anyone going so it will totally be an adventure. This is what I want with europe but have no one to go with me. I refuse to go alone and hate the people who have had the opportunity to do so. With every atom. in. my. being. Yeah I’m a bit salty over people in my life. too bad so sad.
And on that note, I think I will fill my gas tank up to the brim and get lost somewhere. Sorry this turned out to be a rant as they have started to lately but I cannot help it. I have so many thoughts.