The Mysteries of My Life

So I haven’t had a chance to blog thoughts as much these past couple of weeks mostly due to the approaching of finals. I have been kind of a big stressed out mess as of late for a multitude of reasons. First and foremost and always on my mind of course, getting in to the architecture school. Second, worrying over the monster that is finals. I wouldn’t say that I need to get perfect grades on these exams but I’m aiming for high B’s but an A would be preferred. And lastly, I recently have been talking to an ex and we are going to have dinner Tuesday to get together and catch up. This has me a little worried and last night when we were trying to set something up, my blood pressure probably was through the roof. Not good.

Anyway this could really go either way, I just don’t know. But for the most part I feel like this is a step in a good direction. The last time I saw her, I was kinda an emotional mess; which is to be expected considering the circumstances. And that was in December.. That was the last time I saw her in person and which we actually had like a real conversation. Yeah sure we have texted here and there since then but you cannot really get the full experience of how that person reacts to you, their emotional responses to things and you can just hide behind a phone or computer when you communicate that way. Plus I’m not really the biggest fan of texting in the first place and I’m really terrible at it too. I don’t really think it will end in a massive train wreck but I also refuse to bring up anything about past things. That just seems like a terrible idea. My plan here is to go into it thinking that she has finally come around and wants to be friends. That is not too much to hope for but then again, it could be. I feel like this is a good thing because the way I see it two things could happen. 1). We agree to be friends and just have a good time catching up and talking and joking with each other or 2). Things can go better than expected, we each notice that something is still there and go from there. We could end up starting over and going from there, which would be grand. But the most important thing for me to remember is to be calm and relaxed. I shouldn’t have too big of an issue with this because I am 99% over her as of like 4 or five months ago. (and lets be honest real fast, can you really ever be completely over someone?) It will be nice to see her though and no matter how nervous I am, I’m excited to talk to her, catch up and hang out with her. At this point I feel like Yoda in the 3rd star wars prequel. When he is sitting in his (office?) in the Jedi temple talking to Anakin about his terrible visions about his wife (padme) dying in childbirth and his wanting to save her. Yoda proclaims that hard to tell the future is because it is so clouded. He doesn’t realize that the sith is clouding it but I feel like I am Yoda tying to predict the future and what will transpire Tuesday. In the end though, I really just have to stop worrying and just go with the flow and what happens happens. I have started to believe more in the theory that everything happens for a reason whether we realize it or not but maybe the reason here is that it was too early. Not sure. And I apologize that this turned into a giant paragraph.. oops.