Anyway, so… I’m sure that you’ve had someone come into your life that turned your world completely upside-down. Someone who made you realize just how awesome life can be. Someone who makes you feel as though nothing in the world actually matters except what’s going on at that moment, with that person. Someone who made such a positive impact on your life that when they abruptly make their exit off stage left, that you are left with a feeling of something missing in your soul, or in your heart. I’m sure you have had that happen to you as well.. the feeling of having a part of you go missing or die when that person does leave. It is not the best feeling in the world but it is a part of life that we have to deal with from time-to-time. But the absolute worst part of losing someone like that? The fact that more often than not, that person whom you shared memories, moments, laughter, happiness, reassuring and calming moments with will no longer be a part of your life in the slightest way. Even as much as you want to still be friends with them, or even just have someone to talk to about the most mundane or random shit, they will not be there. Your friend will be gone-usually with no hope of ever returning and all you will be left with is the memories to try to fill the void left behind.
a couple of days ago I did a bit of soul-searching yet again because I was and had lost one of my good friends (and significant other if you can even call it that) from the summer. Relax, it’s not like that.. she isn’t dying or anything it’s just that we have had some issues and a falling out since she got back to school. Anyhow, like I said I did some soul-searching because I was getting ever so frustrated and annoyed with the current situation that I decided I needed to do something about it. So the thing is, I decided to just let everything go, be done with the situation I was in and cut her out. I know that sounds harsh but I literally cannot think of another way to put it. It is what it is I suppose.. but I have effectively removed myself from all forms of communication and social networking. Which I hope will alleviate some if not all of my worrying thoughts about trying to recapture our friendship. I thought a lot about it actually and it’s whats best for me so I can stop being frustrated and annoyed. It is my life and I will do with it what I please and this is what I want.. at least for now. I cannot predict what will happen in the future, if anything, but I’, just done with this. I’m just done, done with everything. Annoyed with how it is now and I don’t need to feel this way. I really just don’t care anymore to be pretty honest. About any of it. I was incredibly tired of worrying about our friendship when she obviously didn’t care at all so guess what? now neither do I. So now I’m just going with the flow of things, trying not to worry as much-if at all, and just see where I am and what happens later down the road between us. I did all I could possibly do but nothing is changing or starting to change so this was the next thing to do. But hey, I don’t want this to be misconstrued as me being harsh and mean and that I hate her because that is not the case. I may be done with the situation and everything that has happened but I will always love her and I will always care about her, truly. I hope I get another chance with her in the future to show her how much I love her but for now, I just think that it is the wrong time. And the thing about it is, today when I woke up and when I was going through my day I felt at peace and happy and that the grey clouds were finally gone from my atmosphere. I can finally be the happy, random, spontaneous person I am.